Sally's Story

I moved into Townsend House in September 2017. Before this I had been living with my boyfriend for about a year. I stopped speaking to my parents around the time I moved in with my boyfriend, as they weren’t happy about it, so when our relationship broke down I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

I am the third eldest of thirteen children in my family and from around the age of eleven I had been the main carer for many of my younger brothers and sisters. I tried hard at school but it wasn’t easy to study and concentrate on things like exams when I was growing up. I left school at sixteen and went straight into work. I worked at Tesco and a call centre for a couple of years and got some good customer service experience but again working and trying to look after my younger brothers and sisters wasn’t easy. I was still young myself and had a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. People always tell me that I seem mature for my age but I suppose I’ve had to grow up fast and be responsible when other people were still allowed to be kids.

When I look back on my time growing up I now realise that none of it was very stable and probably didn’t give me the best example of what a happy and healthy relationship was. I met my now ex-boyfriend on Facebook and at first it felt really good. My dad wasn’t happy about the relationship though and kicked me out so I ended up living with my boyfriend. As I said, at first everything seemed ok but the relationship again was quite unstable.

I ended up at Townsend House because my ex said he didn’t want me living with him and kicked me out, but then somehow when I first moved into the hostel I was still with him. He would come to visit me at the hostel and put on this charming front that would fool everyone, including me in some ways, into thinking it would be different if I stayed with him. I didn’t realise how unhealthy the relationship was and how controlling he had become. Even though he had kicked me out I still stayed with him.

It was my project worker, Denise, who helped me to see it wasn’t healthy and that he was controlling me. I ended the relationship for good in January this year. Even then it wasn’t straight forward – he would turn up the hostel and shout things at my window or I would be sitting having lunch with some friends and he would be waiting for me outside the café. He was banned from the hostel and the police were contacted as well. I deleted his telephone number from my phone. The more time passed I began to realise that he just contacts me when he’s fed up or bored, it’s like having a go at me makes him feel better. I just ignore him now and have decided to concentrate on getting some stability in my life.

The best way I can do this is to find my own place to live and get myself a job. I know I need more experience as I haven’t worked since my time at Tesco and the call centre. I attended a Sapphire resident day where they had a resident involvement stall encouraging residents to get more involved in activities. One of the involvement activities was the chance to undertake some voluntary work at Sapphire’s head office. Denise encouraged me to go for it but again I wasn’t sure. She continued to encourage me at my key work sessions and persuaded me I was ready. I have been volunteering at head office for coming up to a year and I am really glad I decided to do it. I started off going to Sapphire’s head office once every two weeks where I would help out with general admin stuff and so on. I now volunteer at head office once a week and have learnt loads of interesting things. I can now mail-merge, process invoices and I have also been shadowing reception duties, which I have really enjoyed, too. It has really helped with my confidence. Everyone has been really welcoming and helpful so I feel relaxed and have really enjoyed it. I’ve even been told I can use them as a reference for any future jobs I go for which is great to know.

I am currently bidding for my own place via the Herts Choice Homes website. I want to move out of the area and start completely afresh away from everything. Every Friday I go through my list of properties and bid for three. I have been doing this for the past month and hope to get something soon. Once I get my own place I feel like I can start planning for the future. I would like to go into childcare or equine. Obviously I have a lot of experience in looking after children but I also have a background in looking after horses as my dad owned them when I was growing up. What I really want to do is move on from all of this and start my own life where I am in control.

Townsend House and especially Denise have really helped me to see that I have choices and there is another way. If it hadn’t have been for the hostel I probably would have ended up going back to my ex as I wouldn’t have had anywhere else to go. I am very grateful to the staff at Townsend for believing in me and Sapphire’s head office for being so welcoming and helping me to build up my confidence. I am feeling really positive and am enjoying planning where and how I am going to live. I can’t wait to start my future life where the only person telling me what to do is me.